I remember the day very clearly. Sitting on the window, gazing out at people walking by. I was all alone in the room, lights off, fans swirling the wind around. I could hear nothing but the noise of the air twirling. I was at peace, just looking outside. And then suddenly it hit me outta no where, that feeling of loneliness. It came outta nowhere, and gave me a knockout upper cut. The peace broke into pieces and suddenly I was all weak on my inside. Feeling dull, I envied the people on the other side of window, walking happily in groups, and there I was sitting, with no one in the world to care about me at that moment.
All the colors went grey and there I was staring into nothingness. Trying to find someone except my family who cares about where I am at right now. And to add to my misery I didn’t find anyone. The thing about sadness is, the deeper you go, the more addicted you feel. The more you think about it the more miser you be. But it has a weird thing, a weird addiction, as when you dive into it you just don’t want to come back to the coast. You fight the waves, enjoying the waters, but suddenly you find yourself in the middle of blue with no sign of land. You then realize the trouble, but it’s late because till now you have lost the energy to swim back. You then just sit there watching the water slowly sinking you in. You drown and then you become the part of sea. Loneliness makes you it’s own. You start loving it then, or maybe you have no other choice. Gradually, this becomes a reality. After this, the lover of people becomes the lover of emptiness. Now, getting along with people feels weird. You tend to push away anyone who tries coming close to you. You change.
Days have passed and here I am sitting all alone again under the sky on the stairs. So quiet, that my heart’s aching shout can be heard. I try looking all around that from somewhere someone would come and say “Hey, where have you been mate?”. And as far as my eyes can see, I see no one.
It’s strange how people think they are so complete within themselves but the harsh truth is everyone needs someone right by their side. How just a smile from a familiar face, a simple wave of hand saying hello, or just a mere presence of someone you know can make your mood better. And how nothing of it can destroy the inner you, can make you weak in your bones, can make you hate the world. That’s how sometimes life is. And that’s how you have to live it.